Loving When it Hurts: Biblical Love

Many times in the life of a Christian we are reminded that we are to love like Jesus. We are to emulate the life and actions of Christ. Which all sounds good on a Sunday morning. When we have an idealistic vision come to mind, all the while in a safe and familiar house of worship, riding a spiritual high.

But then…. sometime later in the week, comes that thing, that situation, that reminder of our less than ideal set of circumstances. Maybe it is the less than ideal response, the less than ideal behavior, maybe it is the less than ideal setting. Whatever it is, it is here we start with the “if only's…" "If only" those, 'things' were different we would have chosen to do different or be different. Often in these reflections we soberly admit we missed the mark again and either hang our head in moral defeat or we muster up hope that next time we will white knuckle it through to a better outcome.

If this scenario sounds all too familiar, with some thought, you might come to the same realization I have- this outcome is what happens when we operate out of our own will; our own “flesh.” Sure we might know better, we might even have a good Christian theological grasp and yet we fail to operate any differently. 

I fall into this trap when I am focused on myself. Self focus occurs when I can't get my eyes off of my plight, my hurt, my embarrassment, my worries…. The unfortunate reality though, is that when I focus on these things, I end up with more of the same problems. 2 Timothy 3:2-5a lists a plethora of behaviors that happen when one is self-focused. 

“...people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,  heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.”

- 2 Tim. 3:2-5a, NIV

If you have not already, think about what forethought or mental agreement would provoke these behaviors in you or another. Usually it is due to self protection that we focus on our problems. When we look unto ourselves for the answer to these problems we might find that we are falling down a deep hole of self centeredness.

Hearing a sermon and hoping for the best is not what proves our victory in Christ. No, the first and foremost factor to victory in Christ is found by faith; for only those who believe in and trust God, can please God, (Hebrew 11:6). Then the second, most important factor is love. First Corinthians 13 is known as the love chapter. If you have not ever read it (or even if you have), I encourage you to stop right now and go read it! Love in this verse is described as patient, kind, long suffering, peace loving… but how does this fix our problem?

It fixes the problem when we start our walk of faith by the love of God that compels us, because He first loved us (1 John 4:16). Then, it is realizing (as in actually wrapping our head around) what love is. In the Greek language there are 5 different words used to describe 5 different types of love. The love word that is only reserved for the God kind of love is called agape, because God, our Creator, our Maker, loves us without any conditions; in a superhuman kind of way. We therefore are called to love without any conditions too. Once our hope is firmly set in Him, we are not only recipients of His love but are also enabled to be the vessels of His love! 

"And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

-Rom 5:5, NKJV

"For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

-Gal. 5:13-14, ESV

"So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him."

- 1 John 4:16, ESV

Here in lies the question to ourselves; have we laid down our lives to the point of death to love others? 

A bit of circular reasoning you might be thinking. No! In fact this is where the tug of war often throws our minds into dissonance and we foil up our whole plan to follow God in all our ways. But, Jesus says that those who love him will follow His commands (John 14:23). This is where the first requirement of faith comes in. 

One main golden thread throughout the books of the Bible is to have faith in God and you will be saved. There is no exception in this case. When we look to God, keeping our eyes fixed on Him, trusting in His agape love for us; He promises to look out for our needs, our wants and our lives as we choose to commit to taking care of what matters most to Him. We are to be about “His business” in the following ways:

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."

-John 15:13, ESV

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

- Hebrew 12:1-2, NKJV

We are most important to the Lord (Matthew 6:26), and yet He equally calls us to a higher place where He challenges us to surrender our goals and plans for His, just so we can look more like Him (like loving our enemies, praying for them, and blessing those who curse us). Proper Bible exegesis requires that not a single verse is a directive for a topic, but the whole message is to be taken into account with every reference considered side by side. Thus, we know we have this mandate to trust in God and to love our neighbor as ourself, looking at others with eyes of grace as God shows us. There is no other way for those called by His name to be any different. He has called us to love.

So let us love in surrender to His supernatural perspective with abandon to our own pain, worries or desires. Are you willing to go so far as to be willing to sacrifice yourself to love others?

"In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood."

- Hebrews 12:4, NIV

Bottom line: When we are more concerned with God’s desires being done on earth than our own, we end up on the winning side (Mark 8:35).

“Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.”

-Psalm 55:22, NIV

Things to think about:

What would it take to love another person to the point of death?

The devil takes us to the brink of our breaking point to see and test where we are willing to give up and give in, compromising God’s precepts and will. Spend a few minutes asking God where it is that you are being tested or are needing strength.

To push through with faith in the Word of God we have to utilize the word of God in order for it to be effective. What scripture speaks to the nature of your plight and what scripture speaks to the ideal outcome? Commit to turning these scriptures into declarations that you will speak out in daily prayer. 

May you be empowered today to trust in the Lord enough to let go of your own cares in order to love and care for others.